From a Brother

I have been trying since Saturday night to figure out how to say goodbye to a man who was not only my friend, but who was like a brother to me.

I still haven't figured it out.
Perhaps I'm not ready to want to yet.

I first met Malcolm a little less than a year ago. He and I were members of the same email list, and when we discovered we both lived in Portland we both felt we should meet.

I was impressed at our first meeting by how open and welcoming he was. Here I was, a perfect stranger to him, yet we sat together and talked like old friends while sharing a meal. He was warm, friendly and open, and at the end of the meal I thought to myself, "Here's a man I could really become good friends with."

Over the following year, Malcolm and I shared a meal nearly every week, always talking about what was going on in our lives...the good and the bad. His tika and my swan were always there with us too.

At times there were difficulties in my life. Malcolm was always there for me. No need ever went unanswered. Malcolm was the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back if he thought it would help. At the same time, he had the knack of giving you straight constructive criticism with no punches pulled if that was what was needed.

I benefited greatly from talking with him.

There were times when my swan had a difficult time. I told her that she should go to Malcolm for help if ever she felt she couldn't come to me. She did, and also benefited from our relationship with the man I was becoming as close as a brother to.

Malcolm had given similar advice to tika, telling her she should go to me if she felt she couldn't go to him. She did on one occasion, and the four of us grew closer still.

Malcolm and tika and swan and myself became like family, and Malcolm again showed his generosity by inviting swan and I to be a part of his larger family. He invited us to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family, opening his family's home to us. I'm told that this was a regular occurance, that Mac frequently brought people home with him for holidays.

Generous and wise, he opened his life to those who needed him.

This last spring, Malcolm opened himself up again when he announced to his friends and family that he was contemplating surgery to help him lose the weight he had struggled with for so long. Though it never developed, I know Malcolm thought he was going to take a lot of flack for his decision.

Still, he felt passionately that he should take this path and that he should use the opportunity to help others see how they could get help with their weight problems.

He set out to educate everyone who would listen about the benefits and risks of weight loss surgery. He set up a web site and mailing list devoted to educating people.

He kept a journal of his actions and thoughts and feelings as he prepared for the surgery. He exposed his soul so that others could learn how to take care of their own weight problem, and so that others could learn how to support a friend or family member with a weight problem.

Malcolm never reaped the benefit of his weight loss surgery. Others will though. Because he recorded what he did and thought and felt, others will be able to follow his path, knowing that others have gone on before.

If I had to pick a single word to describe my friend and brother Malcolm, it would be "generous." At every opportunity he gave of himself to improve the lot of those around him without thought of how he might
or might not benefit.

He was a wonderful person...the kind that one hopes to meet in his journey through life.

I miss him more than I know how to say.